14 Hints to the Hunter's Wife

A friend suggested I write "14 Hints to the Hunter's Wife." 

I thought that sounded like fun . . . So here goes!

Steve now critiques his form here,
which he's perfected since watching Top Shot.
Incidentally, Top Shot is our favorite show
to watch together, and Steve would love to be on it someday.
Top Shot Dustin Ellermann is one of our heroes, right up there with Chuck Norris!

First, my twist on a Jeff Foxworthy routine:

If your man owns more guns than golf clubs . . .

If he's the proud owner of at least one 4-wheel drive (complete with tow hitch and lift kit)  . . . 

Steve's lifted Jeep on an off-road trip.
This usually gets towed behind his GMC Sierra when hunting.

If his favorite color is camo and his closet is full of it . . .

If he has a drawer stuffed with extra-thick, super-warm, heavy-duty socks . . .

If he's ever worn three or more different patterns of camo at once (and none of it matched) . . .

A small sampling of Steve's camo wardrobe--7 different patterns!

If he wants to work with the Duck Dynasty guys (and look like them) . . .

If he insists on growing out his beard (at least in the fall) . . .

If his favorite season is not winter, spring, summer or fall (it's hunting season) . . .

If he hates reading but could spend hours pouring over Cabela's catalogs and Eastmans' Hunting Journal . . .

On the Cabela's mailing list.
Wishes he had a subscription to Eastmans'.

If he packs more for a weekend hunting trip than teen girls pack for a two-week vacation . . .

If he firmly believes that game meat tastes better than any other form of protein . . .


If he agrees with claims that P.E.T.A. stands for "People Eating Tasty Animals" . . .


If he can't fathom being vegetarian . . .

. . . he might be a hunter!

My hunter with a huge cow elk he shot.

And now for those hints to the hunter's wife:

1. If your man saves vacation time for hunting season, don't feel slighted. Truth is, he needs that time "off the grid" to unwind from life's stresses and pressures, to let his mind relax (even while his senses go on "high alert"), to think things through and to figure things out. Hunting is to him what a hot bubble bath may be to you. Chances are, he'll come home relaxed and happy, regardless of whether or not he was able to fill his tag.

My hunter with his first elk.

2. If your man does fill his tag, be prepared to listen to hunting stories full of adrenaline rushes, difficult stalks over rough terrain, near misses and the perfect shot. You may listen for hours, and you may not understand half of it, and he may repeat the same story a dozen times--but it's important for you to show genuine interest and treat him like the hero and provider he is! If you do, he'll love you for it. 

3. When other wives don't understand why you "let" your husband grow a beard, own deadly weapons and shoot animals, spend hard-earned money on this hobby, hunt for days and come home smelly . . . don't worry about it. You have a manly husband with a healthy hobby that makes him feel alive! He could spend his time, money and passion on less-worthy pursuits. Consider yourself blessed.

The bigger the rabbit, the redder the meat!

4. You're going to be eating game meat, which some people think is disgusting. But keep in mind that the meat your hunter provides meets a lot of those "fancy" terms like hay-fed, organic, free-range and lean. Your man provides top-quality, healthy meat for a good price. (By the way, where you see bunny tracks in the snow and think, "A cute fluffy cottontail was here!" . . . He thinks, "Dinner!")

5. Hunting costs can add up quickly: Firearms, ammo, camo, gear, tags, fuel, food and other supplies . . . Hunting is not a cheap hobby. But as mentioned, it has extra benefits. A happier husband = a happier wife and a happier family. And lots of meat in the freezer means you'll save big bucks on groceries for the next year or more.

This pile of meat is about 2-feet-deep in the freezer
Steve's parents gave us. Of course, there's more in the
inside freezer and more at his parents' house.
Not to mention the meat we gave away.
Ladies, be glad you can't see the deer head under here!

6. If you don't already have an extra freezer, you'll probably need one. One deer will give you dozens of pounds of good meat. An elk? Hundreds. You may find yourself giving gifts of game to friends and family who consider it a real treat. Just ask your hubby to warn you if he plans to use the freezer to store anything other than nicely wrapped, white packages of meat. A deer head, for instance (because he plans to have it mounted). Or deer legs, complete with hooves that stick out of the bag to freak you out (until he can properly dispose of them).

7. Game meat is not only nutritious--it's delicious! And it will taste even better to your man because his blood, sweat and tears went into putting it on the table. Be sure to thank him whenever the family eats it. Yet beware that his chest may expand until he pops a button or two.

8. Not sure what to get your man for a birthday or Christmas? Forget ties, socks or underwear (unless they're camo). Grab a hunting catalog, close your eyes and point.

Your man will like it, no matter what it is, if it comes out of that catalog. Better yet, buy him a gift card to his favorite outdoor store. Then he can spend many happy hunting hours pouring over the options, reading product reviews and deciding just what to get.

9. Think a gift card isn't personal enough? Pick out a T-shirt or hat with large game on it. Even better, personalize the clothing to say something like "Echols Hunting Lodge." Yet be prepared . . . that shirt may give him an idea. Are you ready to run a hunting lodge?

10. Your hubby might think it's hilarious to wear T-shirts that have the potential to traumatize young children. My man has one (from his mom) that features a reindeer and the words "Venison: The Christmas Meat." Beneath the words is an outline of a reindeer labeled with various cuts of meat like "roast" and "tenderloin."

Steve points up the mountain to where
he shot the elk he now pulls (quartered) on a sled.

11. When your man is in pain, he may say things like, "My back straps hurt" or "My roasts are sore." He knows those terms from processing game meat. If your man gets in serious pain and needs to see a physical therapist or doctor, you may need to serve as a cross-cultural interpreter.

12. Your hunter probably hates to dress up. That's because a suit and tie is to him what a straitjacket would be to an active toddler. Prison. If he dresses up for a special occasion, it's because he loves you. (Hint: It's easier to get him to dress up if the suit or vest is camo.) And if he ever skips a day of hunting for a birthday or other family event, it's because he really loves you. Or because he knows you can shoot.

Our wedding day, two years ago.

13. When your hubby comes home from hunting, his beard and chest hair may have grown a full two inches from all that extra testosterone pumping through his veins. Chances are, he'll want a little quality time with his wife. But you'll probably have to insist that he shower first.

Steve teaching me how to shoot. Need to work on my stance.

14. If your man calls a gun "sexy," don't worry. He's not comparing you to the gun and thinking you come up short. But he's a man! He might not feel comfortable putting his affectionate thoughts into words. Fear not, however. You're much nicer to cuddle with than a "sexy" firearm. And if you go target shooting with him, he might even open up and say, "That's hot!"

Yes, your man may spend hours telling hunting stories and pouring over maps (to plan his next hunting trip . . . a year from now). He might want to "decorate" with taxidermy and display a tanned elk hide on the armchair.

Elk hide "Dinner" displayed on the armchair.
Elk hide "Steak" is on the couch.

He may spend big bucks on his hobby and always want more outdoor "toys." But at least he's not wearing skinny jeans and a pink shirt with a purple-striped tie. He's a manly man and he chose you. So go hunt down your hunter husband, kiss him and tell him you're happy he's yours!