I love to fly, but I have a little problem: Motion sickness. So to distract myself when the plane gets bumpy, I look around and ponder strange things. For example:
How come, when you dig through the seat back pocket in front of you, the LAST thing you find is the motion sickness bag?
(If you find it at all.) Do they want queasy flyers to spew all over the latest edition of Sky Mall, instead? Granted, I could write a whole blog post on the ridiculous items offered in Sky Mall, but that's for another day.
How come the one time I actually puked on a plane, my seat back pocket didn't have a bag?
How come one side of the bag says something like, "I got sick to my stomach and left you a less-than-pleasant present inside" . . . while the other side says, "I'll be back." Seriously? If I wanted to exit the plane on a layover and return to the same seat, why would I reserve it with a bag of regurgitated ginger ale and Biscoff cookies? (No doubt that would be an effective way to keep anyone from stealing my seat, though. I mean, Biscoff cookies are great, but most people don't want to eat them secondhand.)
OK, enough of the motion sickness ponderings . . . after all, the point is to distract myself.
How come even short people like me feel cramped on a plane? How do tall people deal with the severe lack of leg room?
Have you ever been freezing on a plane while the person next to you blasts cold air, or vice-versa? Why don't they make a section for chilly people and a section for overly-warm people?
In fact, why don't they make a section for short people and a section for tall people, a narrow section for super-skinny people and a wider section for soft, huggable people?
Oh, wait. I suppose that would be politically incorrect. After all, pro football players would probably get put in the wider section . . . and we know how emotionally fragile they are (according to last season's new NFL rules).
But could we at least get better padding in the seats? I mean, I have a well-padded derrière and all, but it goes numb within the first 45 minutes of the flight!
Anyway, I think it's time to look out the window as we descend toward our destination . . .
Hmmm . . . If you want to discourage thieves, don't use an LED spotlight in your yard. "LED floodlight" is an oxymoron: It actually lights up just enough area to show burglars where your house is . . . not to reveal that they're stealing you blind.
Speaking of LED lights, the blue and green ones give off a distinctly alien or zombie-like glow that will make those creatures feel right at home during the "coming" Alien Invasion or Zombie Apocalypse.
Whew! The plane has finally landed, and I've managed not to need the bag from the seat back pocket. So maybe, just maybe . . . I'll be back.
(If you find it at all.) Do they want queasy flyers to spew all over the latest edition of Sky Mall, instead? Granted, I could write a whole blog post on the ridiculous items offered in Sky Mall, but that's for another day.
How come the one time I actually puked on a plane, my seat back pocket didn't have a bag?
How come one side of the bag says something like, "I got sick to my stomach and left you a less-than-pleasant present inside" . . . while the other side says, "I'll be back." Seriously? If I wanted to exit the plane on a layover and return to the same seat, why would I reserve it with a bag of regurgitated ginger ale and Biscoff cookies? (No doubt that would be an effective way to keep anyone from stealing my seat, though. I mean, Biscoff cookies are great, but most people don't want to eat them secondhand.)
OK, enough of the motion sickness ponderings . . . after all, the point is to distract myself.
How come even short people like me feel cramped on a plane? How do tall people deal with the severe lack of leg room?Have you ever been freezing on a plane while the person next to you blasts cold air, or vice-versa? Why don't they make a section for chilly people and a section for overly-warm people?
In fact, why don't they make a section for short people and a section for tall people, a narrow section for super-skinny people and a wider section for soft, huggable people?
Oh, wait. I suppose that would be politically incorrect. After all, pro football players would probably get put in the wider section . . . and we know how emotionally fragile they are (according to last season's new NFL rules).
But could we at least get better padding in the seats? I mean, I have a well-padded derrière and all, but it goes numb within the first 45 minutes of the flight!
Anyway, I think it's time to look out the window as we descend toward our destination . . .
Hmmm . . . If you want to discourage thieves, don't use an LED spotlight in your yard. "LED floodlight" is an oxymoron: It actually lights up just enough area to show burglars where your house is . . . not to reveal that they're stealing you blind.Speaking of LED lights, the blue and green ones give off a distinctly alien or zombie-like glow that will make those creatures feel right at home during the "coming" Alien Invasion or Zombie Apocalypse.
Whew! The plane has finally landed, and I've managed not to need the bag from the seat back pocket. So maybe, just maybe . . . I'll be back.
I'm with ya on the sections for differently-bodied people. I vote you to start that campaign!
ReplyDeleteFunny post, Joanna. I love the terminology "soft, hugable people." I'l tell myself that the next time I get on the scale. :)
ReplyDeleteYou look FANTASTIC, Sally! Your husband is a blessed man. :-)
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