Answer to a Teenage Prayer

Like many of my friends, I grew up praying for my future husband. But I also prayed about my future mother-in-law. Many of the married women I knew had a tough time with their mother-in-law judging them, criticizing them and implying that they weren't good enough for their son or grandkids. How tough! Seeing the hurt, misunderstanding and tension in those relationships, I decided to pray for something different.

Steve's mom, Luann "Annie" Echols

Soon after Steve Echols and I began a serious relationship in 2011, he left for a hunting trip. With his blessing, I invited his mom over for lunch one Saturday. And by the time lunch was over, I knew I wanted to keep her. 

"Even if our relationship doesn't work out," I asked Steve, "Can I keep your mom?"

"No," he said. "I'm part of the package."

So I married him.

Now, almost two years after our wedding day, I find myself even more thankful for both Steve and his mom. (More on that in a minute.)

But first, I want to say that I have a pretty amazing mom who taught me to love and trust God, sacrifice for my family and create a legacy of faith. So even as I write about my mother-in-law, I'm equally thankful for my own mother, Elizabeth ("Beth") Lutz, and the multitude of wisdom she pours into each of her nine children. My mom has sacrificed many of her own hopes, dreams and desires to lay down her life for her family, and she gives the honor and glory to God. If I can be half the mother she is, I will have succeeded.

After Steve and I became engaged, his mom let me in on a secret. For years, she had been praying for Steve's future wife. And from the first time she met me, she knew I was the girl she'd been praying for. How incredibly affirming!

One thing I admire about Mom Echols is how creative and artistic she is. She's always using those talents to do things for others. For our rehearsal dinner, Steve's mom and sister teamed up to make two fun cakes that suited him perfectly. They also made our beautiful wedding cake and cupcakes, which tasted as delicious as they look:

Both of Steve's parents did a ton to help our wedding come together, and they rejoiced with us after we said our vows. I felt so warmly welcomed into the Echols family.

And the welcome hasn't run out. When Steve had to work a lot of evening shifts and I grew lonely, Mom Echols invited me over for dinner and game nights. When we invite Steve's parents over to watch Broncos games with us, she often volunteers to bring delicious food.

And Annie's generosity isn't limited to us. She often cooks and cleans for an older couple who can no longer do those things for themselves. She sends thoughtful care packages to her son and his family in Namibia and spent two months with them this fall. I know they'd probably keep her with them forever if they could.

Ernie and Annie's grandkids in 2012

So would Annie's daughter, Candace, and her family. Everybody loves to have her around, and her grandkids follow her into anything when she says, "Come on, it'll be fun!"

That fun spirit often reveals itself in my husband, who approaches life with a sense of anticipation and adventure. His positive outlook balances my more serious approach to life, and I'm so thankful for the lightheartedness he inherited from his mom.

I'm also thankful for the world's best apple pie recipe that Mom Echols shared with me . . . mmm! 

Thank you, Mom Echols, for being the answer to my prayer and the best mother-in-law I could imagine!

What the Aspens Whispered

One beautiful autumn afternoon, I took a drive to see the Colorado aspens in all their glory.







I found my favorite trail and walked across this rustic bridge . . .

. . . exulted in the invitation of this leaf-strewn path . . .

. . . and chuckled at the wording of this sign . . .

(who tries to smell fungus?).







Then I approached this huge rock . . .

. . . and soon left the little nature trail to explore beyond it. 

And that's where God met me, in the secret place, and whispered to me through one small aspen leaf.

Why this one? After all, I'd seen many gorgeous aspen leaves . . .

. . . including these rare orange and red ones!














I'd seen golden aspens softly touched by warm sunlight . . .

. . . and others kissed by jeweled raindrops . . .

But until that moment, as I beheld this single aspen leaf caught among the needles of an evergreen, I hadn't realized the key to the aspen's beauty.

What about that one leaf is different from these others?

The leaves above are still clinging to the tree, to their comfort zone, to security. Some of them are still cloaked in the vibrant green of summer, dancing in the breeze, defying the looming certainty of an approaching fall. Others have begun to change, to prepare for the new season.

And still others have completely abandoned themselves to the arrival of autumn, embracing it and allowing themselves to be dressed in the colors of a new season.

Which leaves do you relate to? Do you embrace change, or shrink from it?

As a person who loves peace and tranquility, I definitely tend to deny changes of season until I must accept them. I cling to the familiar, the place I've grown accustomed to, the area in which I feel I can succeed (or at least not fail).

When winds of change blow, I shiver in the breeze and let go only when forced.

I don't want to surrender, to release my tight hold, to detach from the "tree" and fall down . . . to . . . what? To rest uncomfortably among the needles of a different tree, where I clearly don't belong?

Ah, but look at how beautiful this leaf is, out of its comfort zone, nestled among that which is different from itself, situated where the Light can shine through. And how did it get there? Surrender.

Perhaps when we let go of our control--or we're forced to leave behind all things comfortable and familiar--perhaps that is when God's glory can most beautifully be displayed through us. Perhaps falling . . . and landing at the lowest point . . . can be beautiful.

But surrender is never easy. When I was single, I struggled to be content with my singleness. Sure, I had many grand adventures and good friends, but I longed for a husband and family of my own.

Now, though a happily married woman, I struggle with other things. No longer can I make decisions about how I spend "my" time or money, without taking my spouse into consideration. Surrender is a daily requirement. Worth it, certainly, but not easy.

Yet I find that the hardest thing to surrender hasn't changed. Whether single or married, the hardest thing for me to surrender has been control. I couldn't control my future as a single person, and I can't control it now. I have an idea of what the next year holds, but anything could happen. How can I possibly relax in the face of all the unknowns?

Surrender. And perhaps even greater than surrender: Trust. When the aspen leaf "lets go" of the branch, it's an unconscious act of trust. Trust that although the weather has turned cold and blustery, that although sap no longer flows merrily to feed it, that although it must fall to the ground and die . . . this is not the end of the story.

In fact, do you know why an autumn leaf falls to the ground? As this article describes why leaves fall, "The process that starts the cascade of events . . . is actually a growth process." The next year's buds have formed, and the tree must build up carbohydrates for new growth in springtime. So last year's leaves gracefully give way to new life. And those baby buds cannot open until they've gone through the bleakness and cold of winter.

That must be why God whispered to me through one shining aspen leaf, "Surrender is beautiful." He ushered me into a season of letting go, of falling and dying to my hopes, of struggling to trust that it wasn't the end.

And it wasn't! With spring came the budding of new leaves, new hopes, new relationships. Most of all, the process of dying led me to this wonderful truth: God doesn't love us because we always trust Him, always love Him, always do our best for Him. He loves us even at our lowest point, when we question His goodness or fear that we have utterly disappointed Him. His love for us does not grow or diminish based on our performance or lack thereof. He simply loves us . . . because we're His!

And that truth is what makes it possible to face the unknowns and surrender, like the aspen . . . to trust that God has a plan . . . and that spring will come again!

Blooming in November?

Today I came across this photo, which I took at the Smithsonian Gardens in Washington, D.C., a few years ago . . . in November . . . when all the leaves outside were falling to the ground in a cold wind.

These beautiful flowers show me that when we’re under the tender, loving care of our Master Gardener, we can bloom anywhere at anytime. 

We’re not limited to only blooming in the spring. We can bloom even when we’re taken out of our comfort zone, planted in an unfamiliar place, with springtime feeling long gone.

If we let our Master Gardener come close and do that (sometimes painful) work of cultivating, we can bloom when everything around us is brown or gray. And by blooming at an unexpected time, we can bring admiration and praise to the Gardener.

Unfortunately, I'm not always eager to let the Master Gardener close. I'd rather be

comfortable than have Him weed or prune me. And sometimes I frankly don't care whether or not I bring the Gardener glory. I don't want to be taken out of my comfort zone. I don't want to be planted in an unfamiliar place. I don't want to bloom when everything around me is brown or gray. I'd rather be comfy and cozy. I'd rather fit in. 

Can you relate? 

How do you coax your heart to open and let Him come closer?

The Year of . . . Surprises!

This time last year, I perched on the eve of my 31st birthday . . . without a man in sight. (Sigh.)

Little did I know that, 12 days later, God would put into motion a glorious plot He'd been weaving for years.

I went to a friend's wedding. Alone. Again. Except this time I wasn't completely alone . . . the bride had asked me to bring two teen girls whom I'd never met before. Ashley and Jasmine rode with me to the wedding and begged me to join their "Thursday Night Group," through which they knew the bride. I told them I'd come once but couldn't attend regularly.

As I watched my friend Katie marry her Tim, I saw that an old friend, Steve, was one of the groomsmen. I barely noticed Steve, but I did have the fleeting thought that I wouldn't mind getting married in that beautiful old church someday . . . if the weather was too cold for an outdoor wedding . . . if my hoped-for wedding day ever arrived. (God must've been chuckling to Himself.)




To make a long story short (earlier blogs share more of our story) . . .  a few significant things happened over the next several months.







And just 9 months and 5 days after Katie's wedding, I walked down the aisle of that beautiful old church . . . as The Bride!



"That old friend," Steve (who'd been in seven of his good friends' weddings), waited for me at the altar . . . finally The Groom!



And as I walked down the aisle, Steve turned to the officiant and said, "Can I go get her now?" He could hardly wait!

Our wedding day (Feb 4) unfolded as the most joy-filled day of my life (up till then).

And our first 2.5 months of marriage have been truly glorious!

Now I sit perched on the eve of my 32nd birthday, and I can't quite decide which word most accurately describes my feelings: Humbled. Amazed. Grateful.

I'm humbled that God didn't give up on me, even when I gave up on Him. (I'd doubted both His goodness and His love, because He didn't give me what I thought He'd promised.)

I'm amazed at how truly good God has been . . . both in the desert of hope deferred and in the oasis of longing fulfilled! I'd reached a point when I thought I'd have to settle . . . that it was too late for my love story to be truly beautiful . . . that I must not be worth the kind of man I desired. Boy, did God ever surprise and delight me!

A friend once told me, "God will not give you second best." I've found that to be true. Is Steve perfect? Ha! Am I perfect? Double ha! But we're perfect for each other. (Our weirdness matches!)

I'm grateful (now) for all God taught me during my long wait for the right man. The truth? I learned more through those 10 years of waiting than I could have learned from 10 lifetimes of sermons. Truth, hope, unconditional love--those became real as I experienced them in my own journey.

And now I KNOW, deep down, that God is good. Not because He always gives us what we think He promised--He doesn't. Not because life is fair--it ain't! Not because there isn't sadness and evil in the world--just look around.

But God is good. How do I know? Because He was there. Through each heartache, confusion and depression of my single years. Even when I couldn't hear Him, see Him or feel Him. He was there.

And He didn't give up. He pursued me, longer and harder than the most gallant hero in the best fairy tale.

God doesn't make sense to me. But He remains faithful, determined and persistent.

He won my heart. He seeks it still. And He seeks yours. How will you respond?

Our Story

It’s not everyday when something you’ve waited 26 years for happens almost overnight . . .

Engagement photo by Ernie Echols (Dad)

Where It All Began

Well, I guess it kind of began about 6 years ago, when Steve and I first met in a small group. At the time, we had no clue we would end up where we are today and mean what we now mean to each other.

Steve remembers a fleeting thought: Joanna sure has a pretty smile. I remember feeling comfortable around him. But neither of us ever thought of the other as “potential.”

Setting the Stage

Now, fast-forward three years. My friends Katie and Leah started talking about how Steve Echols had joined their “Thursday Night Group” (a weekly, family-like gathering of young adults, kids and teens in a trailer park). Katie talked about how good Steve was with the kids.

Oh, good, I thought. I’m glad God is using Steve in that way. End of thought.

Photo taken by Ernie Echols on Nov trip
to visit Steve's Great-Grandma Bert

Divine Insistence

Two years later, Katie was marrying Tim, and some of the girls from the Thursday Night Group needed a ride to the wedding. So Ashley and Jasmine rode with me, and Jasmine invited me to come on Thursday nights. Then she begged . . . and finally insisted! I agreed to visit once but told her I probably wouldn’t be able to go every week.

The following Thursday (May 5), I went to the trailer park gathering . . . and a new chapter of life began.

Passion Meets Purpose

Perhaps I should explain that for the past several years, the number one thing God has put on my heart is hurting kids. I thought I’d like to adopt, once married. Little did I know that God would give me the opportunity to help youth in my own town as a single person, and get to be part of their lives on a weekly basis. The Thursday Night Group instantly became a dream come true for me! I love those kids and teens as if they were my own.

Photo and special affects by Ernie Echols, Nov '11

Take Notice

So what about Steve? Well, I felt comfortable around him. And before long . . . well, how can a girl help but notice a man who loves kids, is great with them and devotes a significant portion of time and money to help them on a regular basis?

One of the first times I remember noticing Steve was about six weeks after I joined the Thursday Night Group. We were celebrating a few birthdays, and I had been serving cake for a while when Steve came and took over. He served me and told me to go sit and enjoy my cake.

The next evening, our newly married friends Tim and Katie hosted a game night. In addition to playing competitively, Steve shared how he’d gone through a rather rough patch a few years back and how God used the Thursday Night Group to help him want to be a good example for the kids. I couldn’t help but appreciate Steve’s openness, honesty and humble gratitude for God’s work in him. I’d been through dark valleys myself and recognized the distinct transformation God had brought about in Steve’s life.

Two of "our kids" at the Denver Aquarium, Jun '11

The following day, we leaders took our Thursday Night Group youth to the Denver Aquarium. Steve had purchased the tickets (not cheap!) to give the kids an amazing experience, and we’d been able to borrow a church van. Jasmine insisted I sit next to her, and I ended up behind Steve, who was driving. He talked to me almost the whole way to Denver and back (he does like to talk!), and he paid attention to what I was saying even if I was talking to one of the youth.

By the end of that day, my heart had opened to Steve, and that scared me. I went home and had a long talk with God along these lines: Lord, I don’t want to like a guy and risk being hurt or disappointed again. I don’t want to like Steve unless he’s the man You have in mind for me. Then as I listened for God’s direction, I had the startling sense that He said, “This match is My idea, not yours, so don’t be afraid.”

Well, I’d been through enough relational disappointments that I was still far too scared to hope. That must’ve been my wishful thinking, I determined. Surely that wasn’t God.

Steve and "our boys" set up camp for 20+ folks in July '11

Partners in Adventure

About a month later, we took our Thursday Group youth on a camping trip. The next morning, I climbed out of my tent and went to stir up the campfire. Steve awoke from where he slept on the ground and gave me a huge, happy, unguarded grin that took my breath away! I thought about that smile for days . . .

Later that morning, the boys asked Steve if he’d show them how to build a raft like the one he’d been talking about. They roped together fallen logs to craft a terrific raft, then gave us rides down the river where we played. At one point, I was helping Steve pull the heavy, log raft back upstream in a swift current, and I noticed how fun it was to partner in that adventure with him, to give the kids an extra great time.

Just Friends?

Meanwhile, Steve had a few fleeting thoughts about me, but mostly he just enjoyed our friendship and grew to deeply admire me.

In September, Steve went bow hunting and talked to God about a lot of things, including his desire for a wife. Later, when Steve was hiking up crazy steep terrain, he thought, Joanna would like this. He also pictured me as the pioneer wife in a Western starring his friends, then wondered why I was coming to mind in that way.

Steve led me on this incredible adventure hike! Sep '11

At the end of September, Steve invited our leadership group to go hiking. I was the only one free to go, and both Steve and I felt a bit nervous about that. Will this be awkward? What will we talk about?

I should’ve known Steve wouldn’t run out of things to say. But neither of us expected to have as much fun or feel as comfortable with each other as we did. I felt like I was on a fantastic adventure with a great friend, and I so appreciated Steve’s excellent care of me. He kept thinking about how natural it felt, and his eyes were suddenly opened wide to me as “wife-potential.”

Over the next 10 days, we exchanged 40+ emails, getting to know each other better and realizing even more we had in common. Then I wrote a blog about my desire to have a home where hurting kids were welcome, and Steve told me he wanted a home just like the one I described. After we exchanged a few confusing emails (one of which made me think he wanted nothing more than friendship), Steve suggested we meet in-person to talk about things.

Engagement photo by Ernie Echols, Dec '11,
during trip to Cali to visit Steve's sis and bro-in-law,
nieces, grandparents, aunts, uncles & cousins.

Pasta and the DTR

The next evening, Steve treated me to Macaroni Grill and told me a few rather special things . . . including that he deeply admires and respects me, that I have all the qualities he’s looking for in a wife, and that he wanted to know if I was open to pursuing a relationship with him.

I told him to get lost and went back to eating my pasta.

Actually, I told Steve how honored I felt that he’d asked, that my respect for him had been growing all summer, and that I’d definitely be open to a relationship with him.

You. Me. Together Forever?!

Before long, Steve told me he wanted to marry me, and I couldn’t imagine anyone who could better lead me on the paths God has laid before us. Considering how early we “knew” we were the right fit, it’s almost surprising that our relationship didn’t progress even faster than it did.

On Thanksgiving morning, Steve took me back to the gorgeous trail where we’d completed our first hike almost two months earlier. Along the way, he shared memories from that first hike . . . and it was so special to hear about the thoughts he’d had toward me then! We eventually reached a sunny meadow and climbed onto a ginormous rock for a picnic.

Engagement photo by Ernie Echols, Dec '11

After we finished eating, Steve said something like this: “Have I told you lately that I love you?” (He had.) “Have I told you lately that I want to spend the rest of my life with you?” (Not yet that day.) Then he pulled out a brown velvet box, opened it to reveal the sparkly ring inside, and asked me to be his wife.

I said I wouldn’t dream of it.

Actually, I said I would love to be his wife!

And I will be, beginning February 4. Woo hoo!

I can hardly believe that something Steve and I have waited 26 years for is now coming true. (I say 26 years because I knew when I was 5 that I wanted to be a wife, and Steve needed a woman in his life from the moment he was born.)

Photo by Ernie Echols, Nov '11

Thank you, God. We feel so blessed and excited to continue on this adventurous journey of life, together!

Twitterpated Peace

Solid ground + lots of beautiful fluffiness!

"Twitterpated."

Friends have been using that word to describe how I feel about Steve. According to the urban dictionary, "twitterpated" means "completely enamored, flighty, excited."

Does "twitterpated" describe how I feel about Steve?

Absolutely. (Though not completely). I AM rather enamored with him, and I cannot deny that I've been "a bit" flighty and excited lately. (In fact, I make him laugh regularly by doing harebrained things when he distracts me.) But "twitterpated" doesn't fully describe how I feel.

My dear friend Becca asked about my thoughts toward Steve earlier this week, and I told her something like this: "The overall feeling I have is peace. Yes, I'm excited and 'in love,' yet it goes much deeper than that. This love isn't like river rapids, rushing and foaming over rocks and shallows. It's more like a mighty river flowing swiftly through a deep, narrow channel. The difference is the depth and the peace of the waters. Indeed, the current is strong and swift, but it's not full of turmoil. The foundation and sides of the channel are solid rock, and the path is peace."

Ah, bliss!

Though lest I give the impression that this deep, swift river is boring . . . it most certainly is NOT! (In fact, I've journaled pages about the way Steve treats me like a princess and makes me melt in his presence.) It's a miracle that I get ANY rest, considering the excitement and thrill of being around this man!

Steve keeps marveling over how "right" our relationship feels. Just the right fit. So natural. So comfortable. Such fun! I feel the same way. Whether we're hiking or cooking together, serving friends or hanging out with his family, talking or just relaxing . . . the feeling we get is what I'd call, "twitterpated peace!"

A Little Distracted Lately ...

Two days after my last blog post, a very good friend of mine (Steve Echols) became "something more."

We're not really at Disneyland . . .
This pic was taken at a mini-golf course
 during our friend Shawn's b-day celebration.
(pic taken by Katie Founds) 

Three weeks, many dates and 18 red roses later . . . is it any wonder that I've been "a little distracted" lately?

Steve pulls his way up out of a cave we climbed
through on our first adventure hike together. 

At the end of September, Steve and I went on our first "adventure hike" (see pics at: "Like a Hike"). About that day, Steve says: "It was a great hike, and I can't say I minded the company. Due to some confusion on my end, I had not realized that the others we had planned the hike with had cancelled; once I realized this I was a little nervous. After a couple hours I started questioning why I had been nervous and realized that we were very much alike in all ways. My eyes were opened that day to an amazing woman."

Over the next 10 days, we exchanged 40+ emails, and then Steve read my blog post, "I Have a Dream".

His next email to me included these words: "Reading that made me want to come over to that house. What you described was home, it was a lot like what I grew up in and exactly what I want my home to be like one day."

Is anything more warm and welcoming than a good fire?
Yes. . . . A good friend. A heart open to embrace you.
A home where you are always welcome.

A later email from Steve said: "I pictured the fireplace and the dog before they were mentioned, but I think you meant to say 'golden retriever,' not 'lab.' Labs are great but retrievers are more welcoming. Also, you left out the garage. Where are the boys supposed to tinker around with cars before eating all the food?"

And about the food, Steve said: "I forgot to mention the fresh cookies in the last message. There would always be fresh cookies."

"Fresh cookies ALL the time, eh?" I replied. "Who's gonna bake 'em?"

"I figured there would be you and a pile of girls to do the baking mostly, but if you need a little help I can make chocolate chip cookies."

"You figured I'd be there, huh?" I said. "A man doesn't get very far by figuring."

Our relationship stands on a solid foundation
of friendship. We love to tease each other,
and we have so much fun together!
(pic taken by Katie Founds) 

Then Steve sent me a rather confusing email . . . Among other things, he asked if we could meet up to talk more on this topic.

As I waited for that face-to-face "DTR," you can imagine how I felt mystified, curious, excited, nervous and yet at peace. Steve is a great leader, and I trusted him to clarify what he was thinking. I HOPED he'd tell me he was interested in me, but some of the things in that extra-confusing email made me think he'd say, "You're a good friend, and I wanna keep it that way." Oddly enough, I felt confident that regardless of what he said, he WOULD still be my good friend, and his friendship would remain a treasure.

So . . . want to know more? The next evening, Steve treated me to Macaroni Grill (yummy!) and told me a number of rather special things . . . including that I have all the qualities he's looking for in a lady, that he deeply respects me and that he'd like to pursue a relationship with me! He also said he really likes my personality, "and it doesn't hurt that you're really pretty!" Then Steve said he'd wanted to let me know his thoughts and find out what I was thinking before he fell "too hard."

I told him to get lost and went back to eating my pasta.

ACTUALLY, I told Steve I felt highly honored that he's interested in me. Through the outreach he's served in for the past 3 years (which I've helped with since May), I'd grown to deeply respect and admire him. (Plus, my interest in him had been gradually growing since late June . . . It took me all that time to decide for sure that I'd be open to dating him.) But at this point, I told Steve I'd definitely be interested in pursuing a relationship. The next day, Steve told me he considers this a courtship (spending intentional time together with marriage in mind).

When we told our co-leaders and "Thursday night group," they were thrilled! Several of them had been hoping we'd get together, and we feel incredibly blessed to have their support and accountability. We want our relationship to be one that the youth we work with can watch closely, to see what a healthy relationship looks like.

This past Sunday, Steve came over for breakfast. When I opened the door, he stood there holding out 18 gorgeous red roses for me! After we made breakfast and ate together, he told me his thoughts on what true love is, and he asked my thoughts on that and what I'm looking for in a spouse. Later that day, Steve told me he loves me . . . a LOT! He'd wanted me to know "that is not something I say lightly, but a confession and commitment from deep within. I seek God to teach me how to love you and desire to learn from you. I want to love you and show you that love in ways you never imagined, and I want to speak to your heart. You, my Joanna, are a true gem and cannot be replaced."

Is it any wonder that I've been "a little distracted" lately? Just a LITTLE!